Several months ago, I found myself in a very low place. Yes we all will have mountainous experiences and at times we will have valleys - low. We will get hit with trouble that we didn’t see coming.
Interestingly enough I posted a pic of Beyoncé sashaying across the stage, owning it as only she could, at the beginning of October last year. That imagery depicted my goal for the last quarter of the year of 2019. Little did I know, that sashay would feel more like I was being dragged than a catwalk.
I found myself sitting in my parent’s living room, frail, hair all over my head (which hardly ever happens)J. There I sat on the couch my mom on one side and my colleague, friend, more like a spiritual mother on the other. I could see and feel the anguish in their eyes and the genuine concern in their hearts for me. I could barely lift my head to make eye contact with them, my eyes were filled with tears, it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and it had all came crashing down. They began to plead with me to consider going away for a while, maybe medications, to increase my counseling appointments, something!
Yes I knew the things they were saying were true. I could not have a nervous breakdown. I had too much to lose and the weight I was under; even the strongest soldiers need a retreat. As I lifted my head slightly, to muster a whisper of “no, I just can’t”. They were at a loss of words. I knew what they were saying was true and in a lot of cases those things are needed in order to cope. But what they didn’t know is the night before I had a revelation that the attacks I was facing though in the natural it was hard, it hurt; there was an enemy I was fighting that I could not see who wanted nothing more than to take me out. I knew they both had what I needed.
I left out of my parent’s house that afternoon, still weak in the physical, still broken, but an inkling of hope within me knew I needed a strategy to win this battle. You see I watched my mother fight hard battles with faith and win. I grew up watching her pray, serve God and trust Him when things seemed to be out of whack. I learned faith from my mom (I’m going to get her to write her story J soon)
That evening I got home and sent the longest text to both of them thanking them for allowing me to have human moments and not judge me. Thanking them for being the strong women I’ve seen them be, but I needed them to teach me to hold my emotions together, to develop a resilience and not fall to pieces. What I was in need of was a warfare strategy and I needed my personal Aaron and Hur (Exodus 17:12) to uphold my arms in this fight, so that I could win. That text message, and my painful experience birthed a prayer line of women who came together daily to intercede on behalf of this nation, the church, their husbands, children and so much more. There were weeks I could only hold the phone, cry and listen to them bombard heaven, tear down the enemy’s camp on my behalf. But after a while they challenged to me get up, wipe my face and pray. I have always prayed but there was more, another level I was to get too. You see what my mother(s), these Titus 2:3-5, did teach me was to:
I found myself sitting in my parent’s living room, frail, hair all over my head (which hardly ever happens)J. There I sat on the couch my mom on one side and my colleague, friend, more like a spiritual mother on the other. I could see and feel the anguish in their eyes and the genuine concern in their hearts for me. I could barely lift my head to make eye contact with them, my eyes were filled with tears, it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and it had all came crashing down. They began to plead with me to consider going away for a while, maybe medications, to increase my counseling appointments, something!
Yes I knew the things they were saying were true. I could not have a nervous breakdown. I had too much to lose and the weight I was under; even the strongest soldiers need a retreat. As I lifted my head slightly, to muster a whisper of “no, I just can’t”. They were at a loss of words. I knew what they were saying was true and in a lot of cases those things are needed in order to cope. But what they didn’t know is the night before I had a revelation that the attacks I was facing though in the natural it was hard, it hurt; there was an enemy I was fighting that I could not see who wanted nothing more than to take me out. I knew they both had what I needed.
I left out of my parent’s house that afternoon, still weak in the physical, still broken, but an inkling of hope within me knew I needed a strategy to win this battle. You see I watched my mother fight hard battles with faith and win. I grew up watching her pray, serve God and trust Him when things seemed to be out of whack. I learned faith from my mom (I’m going to get her to write her story J soon)
That evening I got home and sent the longest text to both of them thanking them for allowing me to have human moments and not judge me. Thanking them for being the strong women I’ve seen them be, but I needed them to teach me to hold my emotions together, to develop a resilience and not fall to pieces. What I was in need of was a warfare strategy and I needed my personal Aaron and Hur (Exodus 17:12) to uphold my arms in this fight, so that I could win. That text message, and my painful experience birthed a prayer line of women who came together daily to intercede on behalf of this nation, the church, their husbands, children and so much more. There were weeks I could only hold the phone, cry and listen to them bombard heaven, tear down the enemy’s camp on my behalf. But after a while they challenged to me get up, wipe my face and pray. I have always prayed but there was more, another level I was to get too. You see what my mother(s), these Titus 2:3-5, did teach me was to:
- Pray and not be petty;
- Have my moments, but they challenged me to get up and wipe my face – see the attack through the eyes of the Spirit;
- When you don’t know what to do, pray and trust God!
- Bless those who curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you, and persecute you(Matt 5: 44); in other words “Be Nice to their Nasty”
We never really understand why we go through what we go through, but I am absolutely certain it is for God to be glorified! Your pain will birth greatness in you, and help so many others but your response to the pain MATTERS!
We never really understand why we go through what we go through, but I am absolutely certain it is for God to be glorified! Your pain will birth greatness in you, and help so many others but your response to the pain MATTERS!
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